babyyy. today I was really happy you asked me about your new uniform. I mean... it really means a lot to me. that you asked me about it, with the subtle hint "if you really really want to buy something for me you can get me cufflinks" hahaha. I DID THINK ABOUT IT BEFORE! but I wasn't sure if you wore them so in the end... didn't buy. so now I know what else I can get for you already!
and I said I was going to get you a penguin suit and you said okay if it could fit me inside too so we can snuggle inside together and I can't run away.
me: "or maybe get kangaroo instead lol"
you: "or sleeping bag"
me: "just wrap me in your arms"
you: "you love it don't you :) don't worry I love wrapping you up. wrap you up all weekend. dedicate one weekend just for wrapping"
and I really want you to do that foreverrrrrrr. that's gonna be one hell of a precious weekend.
then we had our depressing talk again, about Us. you told me not to have too much expectation, "just saying before you get disappointed".
"i'm not going to be hyper everyday. can't guarantee. that is the main reason I don't want to date you overseas. i'll prolly make you sad all the time for not doing anything. cause you will expect the world from me and I can't deliver it."
but baby, why is it that you don't understand i'm not expecting anything from you. you may think that it's too early for me to say this because I've never done this before and I can say all I want right now but when the time really comes my expectations will all just shoot and you will not be able to cope. but why do I feel that you're using your experience on me? it's like halo how you know it'd be like this? isn't it a bit unfair to me that you're not even giving me a chance to prove that i'm gonna treat you right, treat this whole thing right, and not drive you up the wall? seriously, I know you're just trying to be fair to both of us, since things are so uncertain for both of us, we shouldn't bind ourselves to each other. but can you just stop depriving me of the chance to go after what I want? this feeling is mutual, and I know you can feel it too. why can't we work towards a common future together, instead of you keep telling me it's all only going to be transient because you just know that it's not going to work out? WHY DO YOU REFUSE TO BELIEVE THAT IT WILL WORK OUT? seriously just because it didn't work out with Jey doesn't mean that it wouldn't work out again. please baby, let us have a shot.
"I want you to come. but after that hen what? it's going to be the same again you'll go and i'll stay and I don't want you to stay just cause of me. I want you to pick the best place for your bar exams. so ya if you're happy to come date 6 weeks then okay allowed. i'm just worried after the 6 weeks your expectation of me surely will hit the roof and I can't cope after. that's the only concern I have. yes I read your whole chunk. so what my plan now is still get you to come we kiss for 6 weeks then we'll see how after - which is very irresponsible. so if you think that's not what you want the you need to reconsider coming here. are you reading my whole chunk? sorry I can't be more definite. and stop crying I can totally feel your heart pumping from here -.- :p "
the only thing you got right was my lips fully trembling and I can't stop crying. the truth is I don't see how expectations are going to change after 6 weeks, and I think you're being really selfish here. all you're worried is that you wont be able to deliver the expectations you assume I will have.
"I want you to come and show you a good time and hug you every night and take pic of you everyday and care for you and protect you and feed you to fatness and furball together and shower you and violate you and stuff."
I just want to be by your side.
"i'll compare you with them and see how much prettier you are than anyone ever... of course must compare if not how I know you're the best one... and you're the best right now. we are not getting married are we? why wouldn't you be with someone better than me when you found the person? I've to maintain the best. I can't just do nothing and be the best to you halo."
118 days later, i'll show you you're the best, and so I am.
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