08.03.2013

Back from Samui, I don’t like what I’m feeling. I don’t like the talk we had at the SG airport. I don’t like how you think we wouldn’t work just because it didn;t work out with you and Jey. Yes, we cannot be there for each other physically, especially in needy times; yes all we have is Whatsapp and Facetime and Viber and maybe occasional snail mail; but haven’t I shown you how we can be there for each other in other ways? I did my best in helping you with your interviews and injecting some positivity when you were depressed over failed interviews and no-replies. I tried to stay optimistic even when things seemed negative. They may not sound a lot right now, but they’re just little tell tale signs that things may not be as bad as you think they may be. I wish I can just tell you how hopeful I am about us.

Everyday in Samui was perfect. I tried not to think about only having 4 days with you, but focused on enjoying every moment with you for all four days. Before the trip, when I first got to the airport, I was a little apprehensive. What if you didn’t like me the way I like you? What if we feel awkward around each other? What if this trip just wipes out what we had before? All the apprehension vanished the moment you hugged me when we found each other. Fully comfortable, albeit a little shy *oops* Glad that things just kept getting better throughout the trip.



The last few moments we shared were the hardest. I tried to control myself but somehow I just lost it. Did you cry at the airport too when you asked me to go to the toilet to grab some tissues and put myself together? I thought I saw those eyes glistening when I went back to you. *oops exposed lol* I wish this wasn’t that hard. Surprisingly I didn’t cry anymore after you left. Not even in bed. All I did was keep checking my phone to see if you’ve landed safely.

I thought really hard whether I want to put us through this. I know where you’re coming from, It’ll be unfair to bind us together because of the many uncertainties, and the many possibilities that we may miss out on. But I also want you to know that distance should not be a barrier. Two persons who see each other may also still end up separated, so I don’t see why distance should deter us from being together. Give us a shot, please? Put me in yoru plan, like how I’ll plan my life around you. This is really worth a shot because we both know we love each other. Remember I asked whether you love me at USM airport and you finally said “I love you”? That made me fall in love with you all over again. Why deprive us of this chance without even trying? I don’t want to force you, or worse, scare you. But I really want to seize this opportunity and not let it slip us by.

For the first time ever in my life, I feel helpless that I belong to this Lion City, because I can see a perfect in us. You’ll complement my inexperience with your wisdom, while I’ll guide you through when you’re lost with my rationality. There is love in Us, so please don’t give up.

-Joyce