31.03.2013

last day of march is spent thinking about what exactly went wrong. what did I do to deserve being torn apart like this. the mind is strong but the heart is weak. why such a drastic change? what on earth happened? I really miss you, I miss us. I can't move on with my life, I can't study anymore, I don't even know myself. everyday I just hope to see your name appearing on my phone. I want to text you but I don't know what to say. how are you feeling? do you feel the same as me?

30.03.2013

so I survived today again. I can't think of a single day I got past without crying ever since you told me that you wanted to "take things slow". I really don't understand what did you mean by that. I know you've always made it clear that we are not officially together, but come to think of it, all that staying up waiting for each other, making travel plans even to Maldives and Brazil and climb mountains and doing adventurous stuff and fulfilling each other's wanderlust, thinking of and missing each other, trying so hard to get out of our countries just to see each other, updating each other about our lives, do they mean nothing at all? all this time spent "together", do you feel nothing at all? granted you may feel pressured because I text you to death, I apologise for driving you up against the wall when all I did was to worry for you and trying to show some concern for you. I tried my best to bridge the distance between us. I may not be able to do anything about the physical distance, but I swear with my life I'm really trying hard. finding out how to get a sponsorship visa, looking for jobs just so I can go for interview when I go over, I'm really trying my level best. and each time I think about our plans to go Mount Buller, whale shark diving, great barrier reefs, warming your bed, cleaning your home, cooking you dinner, washing your clothes, shopping for your home, it all feels so perfect. how did everything reduce to such state in such a short span of time?

I didn't do anything wrong, except to wear my heart on my sleeve. so how did you do it so well, to leave all these behind so readily, so determinedly?

you finally replied to your "I'm so sorry", only saying you're fine and there was something wrong with your phone yesterday so you couldn't make any calls. so what exactly happened? why the suddenly apology? even if you met someone new, I think I have the right to know too. wouldn't you be a little fairer to me? wouldn't you spare a thought for me too? did you say "slow things down" because you realise sometimes you feel lonely and I'm not there for you? but haven't you realised I crave intimacy too and it's clinging to the hope of seeing you soon that's keeping me going? did you say "I'm so sorry" because you felt awful and went drinking and had a one night stand with some random girl you barely remember and feel guilty? save me all this guessing please. it's really driving me insane I don't know how long I can take this for.

I saw a future with you. I never did with anyone else. all I felt was happiness and love when I was with other guys, but I never thought of the future with them. but it's really different with you. so why this? I'm aching so bad I think I'm about to forget to breathe.

-Joyce

29.03.2013

baby today I miss you terribly. like really really badly. I woke up not knowing what to expect. I don't know what to feel. sad? heartbroken? relieved? liberated? one thing for sure, I feel empty. so empty without you, so lost without knowing what you're doing. it's become a habit for me to look at the time and +3hrs and wonder what you're doing. the difference now is that I no longer have the right to know.

you texted me at 7am your time "I'm so sorry". what does that mean? why are you up so early on a Saturday morning anyway. I got so worried I thought something happened to you. but you didn't reply to my whatsapp/ viber/ even international call. what's happening? I'm so afraid I fb messaged Ricky to ask of you're fine. he said he called you and you sounded okay. did you tell him to say that? or are you really okay? if that's the case why didn't you answer my call?

can I treat all these as just obstacles along the way and continue with my countdown? can I still look forward to seeing you? can I still rent a space in your bed? can I still fall back into your arms? I really miss you.

everything reminds me of you, even though we hardly spent any time together at all. clothes that you said looks good on me, I can't bring myself to wear them. it feels too painful. I never thought of putting myself through such pain again. I don't know how I survived through before, I don't know whether I'll ever feel alive again. this time round I'm really numbed. I can't even compartmentalise my emotions and thoughts anymore because all I feel is a turmoil of pain and hurt and disappointment and lost and heartbreak. I wish I was better than this. I wish we were something more than this.

3 weeks ago we returned from samui. I was sad, depressed, but I wasn't empty. there was a reason why I was hopeful and positive. and you were the reason. so tell me, what does "I'm so sorry" mean?

-Joyce

28.03.2013

today I woke up feeling awful, more tired than ever. I miss you so terribly. you texted me "morning" but it feels so cold and distant. I miss us. I feel so sad and empty. how did your day go? you're going back to your mom's tonight but I guess there's no FaceTime to look forward to? I feel really terrible.

27.03.2013

baby last night I dreamt of you!!! okay not you per se, something related. dreamt that I received your mail and it came in a big blue-purple envelope so I opened it excitedly and found this (somewhat ugly) bright blue NaRaYa bag and (also not very pretty) kitty beaded necklace with tassels :/ hmmmm halo can you write me a reply alreadyyyyy :( I've bee religiously opening the mailbox everyday you knowwwww :(

and you dropped the bomb on me. you said the whole distance thing is really not for you, and you're trying hard to keep up with my expectations and we should take things slow. you say you feel oblige to reply my texts to amuse me. you say that the texts may not be 100% true. you say right now I'm already expecting you to be like my bf and if I go over my expectations of you will surely keep rising and you won't be able to keep up. the worst was when you said I'm amazing and if you were in sg you'd surely date me. unfortunately, this is not the case for us.

so tell me, what's your feelings for me? how do you feel about me? am I just someone to fill the void in you when you feel empty and lonely and need someone to talk to? am I just someone who has made you a creature of habit to reply to my text and talk on the phone every night? how do you feel about me? are we really just friends? don't you like me even a little bit? or, to put it more explicitly, friends with benefits?

this has always been at the back of my mind too, but I tried to think positive and figure a way to work things out, because I see a future in us. and all my life I've been keeping up with expectations people have of me and maybe it's time for me to do something for myself. something I really want to. too bad now I think I'm being denied the chance because our heats are not beating to the same rhythm, and we're not looking at the same possible future.

so tell me, what does taking things slow really mean? can I still look forward to seeing you in July?

counting down to the supposed... 113 days.
-Joyce

26.03.2013

another boring day today, but hope you had a great time now that you had lunch with your new colleagues. your coolness just upped a little lol.

and can we go feed some wild dolphins pleaseeeeeee.

can't wait for you to move into your own house and we can facetime everdayyyy (provided I don't have lessons till 1030pm -.-) yesterday when you said you didn't have a sense of belonging because you're always moving so you don't really have a fixed "home", I felt really sad. now all I want to do is to go over and create a home where you really belong to.

am I being over-sensitive or are we running out of topics to talk about? :(

-Joyce

25.03.2013

today's such a slow and mundane day. and I totally woke up at 5am my time, only to text jade "morninggg" instead :/ bringing embarrassing to a whole new level. and you said you don't want me to wake up just to text you because you wouldn't have time to reply. but I just want to text you so that when you look at your phone you'll see my text and hopefully that'll put a smile on your face :)

you said your legs are breaking from walking/ running on the treadmill. I can't wait to go over and gym with you. or massage your sore muscles after gymming.

114 days now, every sleep is a day closer.
xo.

-Joyce

24.03.2013

so you got your guest room's bed today. and when I said I want to go shopping with you too your reply was "yes you can do almost everything with me when you're here". I just want to fly over now and be with you.

then I told you I can't put on the bed sheets so you'll have to do it yourself. (plus cause I know you can do it lol). and you're going to get the robot vacuum cleaner, which isn't totally bad but I'll still help you keep your house clean.

and I'm making a shopping list of things to buy already so please wait for me!

first up, fish bowl!

I really wish for the day to come when we're really not going to be apart anymore. I should do something for something I really want.

-Joyce

23.03.2013

hello baby, so today you bought your bed and couch woohoo! one step towards a complete home! I really wish I could be there with you doing all the shopping stuff... can't wait to see how the house would look.

you: "i'm lying on the couch now testing to see if it's comfortable"
me: "ask ricky to lie with you and hug him. see if it's comfortable."
you: "hug him for what. I rather hug you."
awwwwwwww xxxxxxx. yes hug me fully hug me. I cant wait to cuddle with you on the couch.

and I really want to buy those small little knick-knacks with you, for you!

and yo usaid you don't want me to stay up just to wait for you. you don't know how much I want to stay up, just to have the precious 5min of facetime with you.

I can't wait to be with you.

-Joyce

22.03.2013

woohoo TGIF can facetime date tonight I can't waittttt! but someone so hapz go watch movie halo it's 2:30am over there already go home quick!

oops so you just called and said fabric broke up with his girlfriend so you guys (being very good friends) hung around at his place after sending him home. hmmmm hope all's fine xx.

and i'm still waiting for you halo! 4:19am your time already oh no :O

-Joyce

21.03.2013

babyyy. today I was really happy you asked me about your new uniform. I mean... it really means a lot to me. that you asked me about it, with the subtle hint "if you really really want to buy something for me you can get me cufflinks" hahaha. I DID THINK ABOUT IT BEFORE! but I wasn't sure if you wore them so in the end... didn't buy. so now I know what else I can get for you already!

and I said I was going to get you a penguin suit and you said okay if it could fit me inside too so we can snuggle inside together and I can't run away.
me: "or maybe get kangaroo instead lol"
you: "or sleeping bag"
me: "just wrap me in your arms"
you: "you love it don't you :) don't worry I love wrapping you up. wrap you up all weekend. dedicate one weekend just for wrapping"
and I really want you to do that foreverrrrrrr. that's gonna be one hell of a precious weekend.

then we had our depressing talk again, about Us. you told me not to have too much expectation, "just saying before you get disappointed".

"i'm not going to be hyper everyday. can't guarantee. that is the main reason I don't want to date you overseas. i'll prolly make you sad all the time for not doing anything. cause you will expect the world from me and I can't deliver it."

but baby, why is it that you don't understand i'm not expecting anything from you. you may think that it's too early for me to say this because I've never done this before and I can say all I want right now but when the time really comes my expectations will all just shoot and you will not be able to cope. but why do I feel that you're using your experience on me? it's like halo how you know it'd be like this? isn't it a bit unfair to me that you're not even giving me a chance to prove that i'm gonna treat you right, treat this whole thing right, and not drive you up the wall? seriously, I know you're just trying to be fair to both of us, since things are so uncertain for both of us, we shouldn't bind ourselves to each other. but can you just stop depriving me of the chance to go after what I want? this feeling is mutual, and I know you can feel it too. why can't we work towards a common future together, instead of you keep telling me it's all only going to be transient because you just know that it's not going to work out? WHY DO YOU REFUSE TO BELIEVE THAT IT WILL WORK OUT? seriously just because it didn't work out with Jey doesn't mean that it wouldn't work out again. please baby, let us have a shot.

"I want you to come. but after that hen what? it's going to be the same again you'll go and i'll stay and I don't want you to stay just cause of me. I want you to pick the best place for your bar exams. so ya if you're happy to come date 6 weeks then okay allowed. i'm just worried after the 6 weeks your expectation of me surely will hit the roof and I can't cope after. that's the only concern I have. yes I read your whole chunk. so what my plan now is still get you to come we kiss for 6 weeks then we'll see how after - which is very irresponsible. so if you think that's not what you want the you need to reconsider coming here. are you reading my whole chunk? sorry I can't be more definite. and stop crying I can totally feel your heart pumping from here -.- :p "

the only thing you got right was my lips fully trembling and I can't stop crying. the truth is I don't see how expectations are going to change after 6 weeks, and I think you're being really selfish here. all you're worried is that you wont be able to deliver the expectations you assume I will have.

"I want you to come and show you a good time and hug you every night and take pic of you everyday and care for you and protect you and feed you to fatness and furball together and shower you and violate you and stuff."

I just want to be by your side.

"i'll compare you with them and see how much prettier you are than anyone ever... of course must compare if not how I know you're the best one... and you're the best right now. we are not getting married are we? why wouldn't you be with someone better than me when you found the person? I've to maintain the best. I can't just do nothing and be the best to you halo."

118 days later, i'll show you you're the best, and so I am.

20.03.2013

"sleepyhead shhh keep sleeping like an angel... yes you can CPR me every night." - how to resist your cuteness you tell me how how how.

and i like it when you ask me to send you photos of myself. i'll send you one every minute if you allow me to. totally not shy at all hahahaha. can't wait for me to go over then we can take outfit shots together every dayyyyy.

"please you're an angel. see already smile instantly. when you're here i'll take a pic of you once a day" - yes i want to be the reason you smile. and when you're down, i want to be the one to put a smile on your face.

viber being fully bad today, so sad i've got class so no wifi >:( and i'm not angst okay. no angst at all talking to you. just want to savour every moment talking to you. and you said no one will want to buy fish bowls and deco stuff with you *secretly happy* MUST WAIT FOR ME OKAY. hmmm okay maybe except if your mom wants to buy with you... then no choice lor. can't possibly fight with your mom right! but other than that must wait for me okayyyy!

119 days to melbourne... this is the only reason for my excitement every single day. you asked why i'm so excited, because you're not excited... yet (i hope), unless it's like 19 days or something. everyday i'm counting down because i really can't wait to fall back into your arms, be right there in your life. i just want to make this work because i want it so bad. this is a long wait but i'm sure it's gonna be so worth it in the end. and i'm sure you know that too.

and i really want to say "i love you", and i hope you feel the same way too.

such a cutie pie xxx

-Joyce

19.03.2013

hello baby second day of work, sure you have zero problems at all. glad that you called me during lunch, makes me fully happyyyyy. :D

then you got me worried sick when you said you're driving home from basketball and will call me in ten minutes, but ended up missing even 1hour later. i hope i'm not coming across as being psycho to you... i was truly worried. like i was so scared something happened to you. car accident? i don't know. but luckily you told me after it was your mom talking to you on the phone. talking about the new place, moving will start next weekend and so on. i wish i could be there with you, helping you pack and move and unpack and put everything in place. i really really just want to be there with you.

"i wanna buy a lot more stuff like lamps deco arts and maybe small fish bowl. kinda want you to come here choose for me" - this totally made me fly to the moon baby. it's such a sweet though so please please please wait for me. don't let anyone do it for you okay. please wait for meeeeeeeee!

and it's your first time counting down to me going over. 120 days. slowly, but surely.

not sure if you're just tired or you're unhappy but you really sound pretty down over your texts. hope all's well over there. you know you can always always talk to me no matter what/ where/ when/ how right? so share with me what you're thinking/ feeling okay? <3

tomorrow's midweek! miss you so bad!

18.03.2013

baby today's your first day of work! woohooooo! :D

"halo can you like hurry yourself here and live here and take care of me" - you know i fullyyyyy can't wait right! you also can't wait?! oops totally not shy.

and you're so bad HALO what is this whole complaining about no pretty girls at your work place. the only girl you should me looking forward to is ME AND ME ONLY. *insert angst face* hahahahha.

pretty sad that we can't facetime at night. faster do up your own house and subscribe to internet so we can facetime + i got internet to kill time while waiting for you to end work when i'm there! just now i waited for you to end your movie with your cool boys then you totally forgotten about me and i was worried a little because it's monday night so i thought you wouldn't get home so late and... ... almost flew overrrrrrrrrr but i think too heavy can't really fly.

then over viber at night i took a little tour around your new neighbourhood. doesn't look too pleasing because got weird gay club with penthouse cages thingamy oh no so scary. hahahahaha. but so many lawfirms around faster go get me a job already!

121 days to melbourneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

17.03.2013

today i decided to stop being depressed and go for movies with my friends. hmmmm but i still miss movies with you. and really glad that we managed to facetime in the middle of the day. i really like the effort we put in to include each other into our lives. and when you told me to stop moving just so you could look at me.... i really liked that.

you're going to start your training tomorrow. i feel so excited for you! i'm sure everything's gonna be soooo perfect. i really can't wait to go over and i know that when i do, i won't feel like leaving anymore. get me a job there already? i'm like ready to go over anytime already.

and so cool your new home has a heated pool and you said i could go swim there... i think i shall. especially when waiting for you to end work... i can use a good workout. i can't wait to be there and go grocery shopping and (try not to fail to) prepare an edible meal for you when you end work! :D

did some poking around fb and.... it got me wondering if there's something going on/ something went on between you and chloe...? i mean i know i asked you before and you said you guys are just friends but... :(

122 days to melbourne! :D

16.03.2013

baby, i cried myself to sleep last night. because i couldnt reach you for almost 12hours and i was worried sick. i know you went drinking with your friends and you're doing the guys thing celebrating birthday and all, but i can't help but feel worried. so when you finally texted me at 4am your time i was so relieved i started crying and fell asleep :( then you were missing the entire day again, but i know you're having lunch with mom and ricky, so i told myself i should just stop scaring myself. and i thought we could viber/ facetime tonight but... you were to tired and fell asleep (i suppose). but still glad that you said you went to nice lunch place and wanna bring me there when im there. and said that your couch will take 16weeks to be done and when i'm there i can fully enjoy it. i really look forward to it! 123 days to melbourneeeee! AND TOMORROW IS ONE LAST LAZY DAY BEFORE YOU START WORK!

15.03.2013

wonder what are you doing now, should be out with high school friends for birthday dinner. so happening eh totally surviving on a dead phone :( so i missed you so badly i took out the letter you wrote me. so warm and fuzzy reading it. hello why you never write back to me already? :( you're fully ignoring me now omg are you okay please don't tell me you're totally wasted and lying naked on the street or something please reply meeeee. i know your phone is dead already but stilll...... it's already almost 4am your time HALO! 124 days to melbourneeeeeeeee! 56 days to exams holy shit. -Joyce

14.03.2013

Happy birthday baby! If only I can spend this happy day with you... But I'm sure you'll still enjoy yourself nonetheless :)

Really glad that you viber called me when driving home from gym. It's like you thinking of me yay! Glad that I didn't go school today so we can facetime before your nap before birthday dinner with you family. yay x2!


here's the resolution we made for each other, must remember okay! :D

AND WE'RE GOING MT BULLER! so happy you actually thought of it already hahahaha. and you're going furniture shopping + casino with Ricky tomorrow. such hapz brother bonding time. maybe i should do some bonding with jade too. i kinda miss her.

-Joyce

13.03.2013

For some reason I don’t know what I was really moody today, but at least managed to get some work done at home. Thought you’d be busy running errands and gymming and meeting friends so I left you do do your stuff but your surprise call at 4-ish pm your time totally cheered me up (While driving home and waiting for Sean and Fab to end workkkkk). You said you went furniture shopping again and tried on couches and imagined me seated next to you. I love that ideaaaaaaa. That you’re thinking of me when when doing your shopping CAN’T WAIT TO SEE YOUR HOUSE OMG. Finally sent you the music cover I did for you. Was really shy and hesitant whether to even do it because what if you thought it was stupid? I had the idea for few days but finally got down to doing it this mornign and pondered about it for so long before i decided to send it to you. was really shyyyyy *oops* hope you liked it. i THINK you liked it lah. cause you were fully giggling and omg-ing when you received it *shy x2* and you sent me photos of couches and coffee table omg i really really like that. I’m sure your new home will be soooooooo cosy and nice. Can’t wait to pounce on the couch with you. and i think i finally understand your frustration earlier earlier earlier on about the 3hr time difference already. i realise that everyday im rushing myself to catch up with you because you’re always 3hrs ahead of me. like i can’t wait for lesson to end just so i can viber you and not keep you up too late (although most of the time it’s already super late for you ). or like i start to be resistant to the idea of going out in the evening because that would mean losing a potential chance of FaceTime. HAHA i feel so silly just typing this -.- but i just want you to know it’s worth it. it really is cause i don’t feel burdened or anything at all. it’s more like something i look forward to. 126 days to falling back into your arms! <3 -Joyce

12.03.2013

Fully cramping in the middle of the night. Thank god you’re not here. Totally rolling in bed + whining + curled like a ball + just wanna be left alone. Must have looked horrible, bringing unglam to the next level. Talked on the phone while you were driving to gym. Really like little chats like that during the day But why you refuse to bring me on “dates” and claim that we can just “hang out”? It’s like I’m willing to give this a shot but why are you so full of reservation? This is so frustrating. I don’t see why we should deny this mutual attraction a chance. I know it’s MUTUAL. Lets do this shall we? I don’t see how it’ll be unfair to me in any way because I’m also uncertain about my future. So why do we have to add on to the uncertainties? I just wanna be there for you whenever you need a listening ear, whenever you’re frustrated about your day, whenever you’re lost in life. And being there doesn’t necessarily mean physically together right? And this would mean we’ll treasure each other more each time we see each other cause that’ll be like falling in love again and again and againnnnn. I wish I can let you know how I really feel. I really wanna work this out with you cause this is really the first time I see a future with anyone. Anyway I really appreciate your thought of letting me use your card when I’m in oz ^^ And you sent me your photo even when I didn’t ask! Yayyyyy! Me: “so are you crazy over me huh huh huh?!” You: “yes yes like. A little. Everytime I see your pic gets me a little crazy. ” In a good way I hope? Kinda tried to talk about us trying to work this out and… I think it didn’t come through quite well. I wish I knew what to do -Joyce

11.03.2013

Fully not feeling like myself today. No idea why it’s like very productively studying in school but somehow I feel… Sad inside. This sounds weird. Seeing the part-time students sitting in class in their work attire makes me think of how you are when you go for class after work. Do you even attend classes? Or fully dozing off? Or worst, just not turn up at all lol. A part of me kind of hope that you’ll start work soon. I’m afraid of making you feel like I’m too busy for you, or I keep texting you and you feel suffocated. Lol what am I even blabbering -.- must be those period hormones oops. And I’m starting to hate this whole revision timetable. Fully screwing up with the time I have to call you. Urgh. All the angst coming out. And I fully loveeeeeeeeee it when you call me precious/ baby/ angel and so many other names you call me by. Makes me feel fully special :$ Glad that you like the video I sent you. Just wanted you to know how much you mean to me. 3 days to your birthdayyy! Woohooooo! 7 days to the start of your workkkk! 60 days to start of exams 93 days ti end of examsss 127 days to seeing youuuuu! (Thereabout lah give me something to countdown to okay lollll) -Joyce

10.03.2013

Day 2 back from Samui, still missing you crazy. Did lots of thinking the whole time – journey to school, in school, back from school, at home… Will this work? Will this bring us somewhere? I don’t know. All I know is I don’t want to give up. Because I can see a future with you. I’ve never felt this way before. All those boys I’ve dated, all I felt was love, but I never saw how we could have a future. But it’s different for you. I can see myself waiting for you to end work, massaging your aching shoulders, you telling me about irritating people you meet at work, me fastening your tie before you go to work, you asking me to go to bed when I’m hooked onto my laptop, me whining to you about difficult clients I meet, and the list can go on and on. This is going to be very hard, but I’m sure we can work something out. Don’t give up on Us, please? I read up on “How to sustain a long distance relationship”, I think we can work this. It’ll be full of love and excitement and a lot of looking forward to many things and counting down. Let’s start of by counting down to me going over to you in July. I was so close to cancelling Morocco, just to spend more time with you + go over earlier. But no, cannot be clingy + suffocate you. We must grow independently but grow together. But I can’t wait to fall back into your arms already. That’s something really worth looking forward to. 4 days to your birthday, I wish I can spend it with you. What’s your birthday wish? Secretly happy you showed me on FaceTime to your bro. *oops shysssss* And got a total shock when Jade stomped into the room halfway and took away 2 minutes of my FaceTime time with you LOL jokesssss. But why didn’t you say you love me when I asked you to? -Joyce

09.03.2013

Samui has been nothing short of perfect. In fact I think any trip would be perfect as long as it was with you. Fully enjoyed every waking (and sleeping) moment with you. Seeing you the first instant I open my eyes is just pure bliss. Waking up in the middle of the night peeping at you sleep like a baby just makes me smile. Sleeping in your arms makes me feel protected, like I can conquer the world. Tried my best to stay focused in class, I think I did a pretty good job. Totally couldn’t contain my excitement waiting for you to wake up from your hibernation. Was soooooo happy when you texted me when you landed in Melbourne, even before you exited the plane. Makes me feel important *oops sounds childish :/ * FaceTime was good/bad. Felt so nice to see you once again, but it was hard to control my tears. I didn’t mean to look sad, but it was just hard to control. I wish you knew how much I wanted to be your girl, and be someone you would be proud to show your family and friends, because I know it’s going to work. -Joyce

08.03.2013

Back from Samui, I don’t like what I’m feeling. I don’t like the talk we had at the SG airport. I don’t like how you think we wouldn’t work just because it didn;t work out with you and Jey. Yes, we cannot be there for each other physically, especially in needy times; yes all we have is Whatsapp and Facetime and Viber and maybe occasional snail mail; but haven’t I shown you how we can be there for each other in other ways? I did my best in helping you with your interviews and injecting some positivity when you were depressed over failed interviews and no-replies. I tried to stay optimistic even when things seemed negative. They may not sound a lot right now, but they’re just little tell tale signs that things may not be as bad as you think they may be. I wish I can just tell you how hopeful I am about us.

Everyday in Samui was perfect. I tried not to think about only having 4 days with you, but focused on enjoying every moment with you for all four days. Before the trip, when I first got to the airport, I was a little apprehensive. What if you didn’t like me the way I like you? What if we feel awkward around each other? What if this trip just wipes out what we had before? All the apprehension vanished the moment you hugged me when we found each other. Fully comfortable, albeit a little shy *oops* Glad that things just kept getting better throughout the trip.



The last few moments we shared were the hardest. I tried to control myself but somehow I just lost it. Did you cry at the airport too when you asked me to go to the toilet to grab some tissues and put myself together? I thought I saw those eyes glistening when I went back to you. *oops exposed lol* I wish this wasn’t that hard. Surprisingly I didn’t cry anymore after you left. Not even in bed. All I did was keep checking my phone to see if you’ve landed safely.

I thought really hard whether I want to put us through this. I know where you’re coming from, It’ll be unfair to bind us together because of the many uncertainties, and the many possibilities that we may miss out on. But I also want you to know that distance should not be a barrier. Two persons who see each other may also still end up separated, so I don’t see why distance should deter us from being together. Give us a shot, please? Put me in yoru plan, like how I’ll plan my life around you. This is really worth a shot because we both know we love each other. Remember I asked whether you love me at USM airport and you finally said “I love you”? That made me fall in love with you all over again. Why deprive us of this chance without even trying? I don’t want to force you, or worse, scare you. But I really want to seize this opportunity and not let it slip us by.

For the first time ever in my life, I feel helpless that I belong to this Lion City, because I can see a perfect in us. You’ll complement my inexperience with your wisdom, while I’ll guide you through when you’re lost with my rationality. There is love in Us, so please don’t give up.

-Joyce

04.03.2013

SAMUI TOMORROW OMG I CAN’T CONTAIN ANYMORE. I FEEL LIKE I’VE WAITED ALL MY LIFE JUST FOR THIS OMG THIS IS REALLY COMING TRUEEEEEEEE.

03.03.2013

Skipped half of school because it was totally boring and unproductive. Headed to town to get your gifts *oops* Had already planned to head to town to get you the gifts, but since I skipped half of school, I have more time to shop + choose yay! Was actually contemplating an electric shaver, but i didn’t know how to choose + if you don’t like to use it/ prefer the blade kind then i’ll be gged (totally copying your language). Jade suggested pen, which I thought was a really good idea, since no matter what you work as will definitely need to use pen right! Plus if you sign important contracts/ document with that pen you’ll be fully proud of yourself + think of me so yay! pen shall be it. then I thought need to buy one for Valentine’s day and one for birthday so I continued shopping and decided belt is a good idea but I don’t know your waist size. Asked you and you were totally angst (really because of food? or too irritating that the diving thing is asking you too many questions hahaha). Belt also confirm got use right! So yay, best presents ever I’m sureeeeeee. Can’t wait to give you the presents, hope you’ll like them! -Joyce

02.03.2013

baby today i'm like fully angst because I came to school early supposedly for some group discussion but none of them turned up! URGH MEGA ANGST.

me: "bed sounds bad"
you: "bed + you = the most alluring. I've got a feeling the whole of third day could be spent in bed"
I can't wait already. you're the most alluring to me.

and dinner at school was totally horrendous. I was fully gorging food down because not enough time! omg horribleeeeee.

me: "I hope your new workplace all old aunty"
you: "wow so possessive huh. I know you'll be possessive gf- one of your traits. and mine"
yes be possessive for all you want. cause i'm going to be really possessive over you toooooo hohoho.

you: "I bet all the guys will be drooling over you when they see you. wow hot tan girl. so hapz."
me: "then I better don't go over. later all the boys fall in love with me. you sad."
you: "please not scared. i'll win you over. remember your motto - cannot lose"
yes baby, win me over, fight for me. because that's all I really want - for you to want me.

SAMUI SAMUI SAMUI OMGGGG.

-Joyce

01.03.2013

today jade realized what we've been up to. cause we went to the airport to send aunt off and I told her that i'll be here in a couple of days so she asked go where and I said samui and she's like "must be with Andrew" oops.

"i'm fully on couch now wanna fall asleep with you.and you can sleep all you want at samui." - i'm fully lokoing forward to it it's like i'm ready to leave anytime. like now.

you: "need to sacrifice my most precious thing ever - beauty sleep just for you"
me: "so sleep or me more precious choose one"
you: "of course you're the mostest precious. so feisty ask me pick one!"
I just like to hear you say that... oops.

SAMUI IS COMING ZOMGGGG

-Joyce