haven't written here for some time. pretty much just busy studying and thinking of you. I really miss you so bad I ran out of emotions to describe. recently met up with a friend I haven't seen in a long time. he says I have a blank look on my face, and I didn't used to be like this. I wish I can feel alive again.
quite a few people have been telling me I don't really open up. im like a book they cant read and it takes a lot a lot a lot of effort to get into my little world. I don't remember myself being like this. I feel like something in my died. I wish I had you with me. I really miss you a lot.
all the plans we made are killing me softly. im trying so hard not to forget the little memories we have. I don't want us to be reduced to only memories. I wish we had something more than this.
ive been applying jobs in Melbourne. this feels crazy. who knows when im there you may not even want to look at me anymore. but I believe it's worth the try. I just have to take the leap of faith. been getting too many rejections, but i'll continue trying. I wish you were here with me, but im sure i'll do this.
I wish you knew.
-Joyce
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