daddy's going Korea today. before sending him to the airport we went for dinner. and how unfortunate, our dinner place was few doors away from Colin's friend's shop. so they saw me and I flustered a bit. just sat in the car didn't dare look at them. I wish you were here to deal with this with me.
oh how naive, I'm going to the airport now. one month ago we were so happy in samui, prolly snuggling away in bed? or doing massage somewhere. now I'm going back to the airport again, alone, with a heart heavier than ever. before this I was thinking about what kind of mood I'll have. the few moments of us I held onto so dearly, and the airport was where we last met, where we had our first serious talk, where we tried to make sense of our feelings, where we kissed goodbye. who'd have known it'd be the last of us.
did I cause my own downfall? you asked if I wanted you to do all the bookings and reservations so that I'll feel more secure and confident about you, about us. I turned down the idea because I don't want you to make rash decisions, I don't want us to do the wrong thing. because I was confident we were able to do better than that. little did I expect we would have turned out this way. if I had insisted, would things have turned out differently?
I miss you. I miss you a lot. I miss us. but I guess more importantly, I miss myself. I feel like an empty shell now. I don't know who I am.
-Joyce
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