06.08.2013

watching  a show online and i don't know why i suddenly thought of you. i tried my very best to keep you away from me. going away did help, but only momentarily. i don't know why i keep thinking of you. i don't know what you have over me.

i wished you were here when i was looking for a job.
i wished you were here when i was preparing for an interview.
i wished you were here when i was feeling scared at the interview.
i wished you were here when i was feeling elated when i got the job.

most importantly, i wish you were here.

22.06.2013

just came back from bkk with family, can't believe I'm still crying because of you. crying for you. every time I wonder what have you done to me? what do you have over me? I don't have an answer. I kinda look forward to seeing you again, although I'm really not sure how it's gonna be. I wish you knew. I really wish. 

just as I'm feeling all sad that I didn't get your birthday wish, you texted me. you wish for the happiness I deserved as always. how do I find happiness when my happiness had left me. you are my happiness. tell me how to feel again. I need to feel alive. 

again, I wish you knew. 

15.06.2013

96°C Café - watching this show now. it's a channel 8 show but i'm watching it online... I have no time to watch during exams sighhhh. cried through this series one time to many. it reminds me of you over and over again. I have no idea what spell you have over me/. I can't bring myself out of this mess.

how have you been?
have you found someone yet?
how's work?
where are you staying at now?
do you feel like Home now?

I miss you and I wish you knew.
-Joyce Khoo

06.06.2013

I wish I could share the news about jade's pregnancy with you. I wish you could be the one I wanna share all joys/ sadness with. I wish you were still mine to call.

I still miss you.
I still think of you.
I still stalk your fb.
I still hope you'll come to me, and say i'm all you ever need.
I still think about how you're doing.
I still wish for a little something for us.
I still yearn for you.

I actually cried in Malacca in bed because hotel beds remind me of you.

I wish you knew.

04.06.2013

it's been a pretty long time since I last wrote here. the pain is still within me, except I think I learnt to live with it. it's really painful and I really miss you. but it's a good kind of pain it makes me feel alive, just like how I feel more alive when I know you had my back.
keyword: had.

just back from Malacca and I miss you more than ever. the last time I slept in a hotel bed I had you by my side. the bed felt cosier, the room felt warmer. this time round the room felt hard and cold, the bed was  too wide for me. I slept with the lights and TV on, and I cried myself to sleep. I miss you this much.

exams have ended for me, sadly all my job applications to Melbourne are getting rejected and more rejections. should I give up? I wish you knew. I wish you know how badly I want us to work. this is eating me up slowly. i'll be entering this next phase of my life very soon, this phase I've always been afraid to enter and I wish you were here. to guide me through all these adult decisions like you promised. I really want you here.

I miss you. yes I do.

12.05.2013

today I dreamt of you. early in the morning. that I was at your oz house and we were lying on a bed like horizontally and starting to kiss when your mom called out to you. lolll. and you were saying you don't like the wifi connection y'all had cause it keeps breaking. and I made a comment about my friend (claire) has the same bed sheets as you and it's a girl bed sheet! it has white base and small little pink flowers all over hmmm. such a girl haha. 

miss you so bad. don't forget to wish your mom happy Mother's Day. 

I wish you knew. 

-joyce

08.04.2013

this morning while waking up I dreamt of you. in sg. with sean. haha this is weird. we were in a house, don't know whose house, washing up after eating and stuff. and you asked me to bring a pot in from the dining table I was like "are you serious or joking" and you said "you have to do everything I ask you to do. like jurisprudence and differentiation". -.- this makes no sense at all. 

then we went down to get the car. hopped into a white car (don't know whose) and I asked why sean dont want to join us you said something about him being a side kick. but I have a friend tagging along with us too (steph woo) -.- this is such a weird dream. 

I miss you so much I wish that one day I'll wake up and you'll say "okay come over let's go mt Buller". I wish you knew. 

-Joyce